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Current Travel Advisory

DON'T GO

This information is current as of Wednesday March 29, 2006
10:08 AM (Pacific Standard Time).

Diseases You Will Catch

Although catching an exotic disease is comparable to say getting stuck by lightening on a sunny day, there is always a chance. And a chance means it "could" happen, so you need to always be vigilant. The best way to stay away from these nasty, incurable, foreign diseases is to follow our motto: don't travel. Stay in your home, walk around your neighborhood, and if you are extra smart, you might want to consider a plastic bubble.

In case you do have to travel, god bless your poor soul. Say the rosary three times and hope none of these disease below get you. Here are some of the common diseases travelers get, even from going to place far off distant places like Hawaii and Mexico. BEWARE!

Werewolf Syndrome
Usually found in dark creepy places like London or Paris, this canine-like syndrome allows massive amounts of hair to grow all over your entire body, but only on nights with a full moon. If you can lock yourself inside a cage every full moon, and hide the key, you can probably live a decent life and somewhat control your rage.

Hershey Squirts Syndrome
This is the most common ailment that devastates travelers. It's best that we don't describe what will happen inside your shorts. You will know.

The Stink
This is a massive amount of body odor due to lack of proper showering that even patchouli can't cover up. Hippies beware.

Ambiguous Accent Syndrome
An odd combination of an Scottish, French, Thai and Minnesota accents that just pisses people off.

Asian Bird Flu Syndrome
Even though this flu is linked to birds, there is a chance that, while walking the street of Bangladesh, a bird could fly into your mouth and transmit the rare disease to you. It could happen. The great thing about the Asian Bird Flu is you can grow wings and can fly.

Teva Tan Syndrome
From wearing the same sandals for weeks on end, you syndrome will turn parts of your feet like a Zebra. Sometimes your feet fall off, othertimes they are scarred for life. People will laugh at you. You will be an outcast.

The Funk
This syndrome is a result of drinking an obnoxious amount of beer while traveling. The next morning, you wake up with "The Funk" and, as a result, sometimes have the Hershey squirts. See Hershey Squirts Syndrome above.


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Advisory Comments

Too funny! Thanks for the laugh (and what a great April Fool's. You guys are terrific!

Posted by: Liz on April 02, 2005

You guys are good. You're the only ones to get me this year.

Posted by: Nmischu on April 02, 2005


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